Never good enough
Constant search for perfection
Inadequacy
I know I know..i haven’t posted for ages and I come back with a haiku, but it sums up how I am feeling at the moment. I am a little bit lost and a little bit stuck.
I am still doing my daily exercise, some (about one day a week) have been minimal exercise days consisting of a walk but every day has included something! Most days have involved either a run, a dance (so much dancing 🙂 ) or a gym session! I have even found a gym buddy and managed to get myself to the gym in the morning three times a week!!
But you know what I don’t think I am doing enough. I am not eating well enough, I am not exercising enough. I have put on and lost the same 4-5kg now over and over again for 18 months!
No rest, never rest
no time, always keep busy
Move more, eat less, sleep!
I know the theory, I can tell other people what to do and when they do what I say they are really successful… yes one of my clients has lost 6 stone (31kg). But I seem to have a mental block when it comes to applying the process to myself!
I find myself constantly annoyed with my lack of progress, and the fact that I still see myself as a lump. I tell myself to look at how far I have come, and I know without a doubt that I am fitter and stronger now, but my brain just keeps telling me that this isn’t the point.
I find myself questioning whether I am really in a position to tell people what to do and how to be fit. Yes…despite the fact that people are currently paying me to do just that and taking me seriously!
I think I need a plan.
Some sort of focus rather than all of this floundering about!
Yes…I know that was why I rebooted the 365 thing, but it is not really specific enough. I have stuck resolutely to my “no signing up for races” rule that I made after that half marathon disaster (this one). I am, however, beginning to suspect that this is not necessarily working for me. I think I need something to train for! An aim and some goals.
In short, (as if I could ever be brief…) I think I need a challenge!
I don’t have one yet, so as I have said before…I am open to ideas!
I promise my next post will not be 2 months away, and I will be back full of plans and goals and other such goodness!!
Project Warrior Goddess 
Oh, I want to give you a great big hug!! Your haikus are, of course, as fabulous as ever and you should know that I have such HUGE admiration for what you have achieved with your fitness and how you train others too. It’s a MASSIVE thing! You have put so much into it, no wonder you are having a little wobble now. You most certainly are not a lump, not even a hint of lumpiness. Not everyone is meant to be a stick insect and who would want to be like that anyway? I believe in you, Sam! I hope an awesome challenge comes your way soon 🙂 Sending big hugs to my Minister for Great Ideas & Gin 🙂
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Awwww thank you!!!
Your comment really cheered me up 😀
I am sure I am just having a wobble and I will come up with an idea for a challenge (or someone will) which will give me a bit of focus soon!
I do think you are right about being skinny, I have been skinny and I had to eat nothing (literally) which always no fun!
I just realised, have to come up with a challenge…after all it falls into the category of an idea and as Minister for Great Ideas and Gin I am the perfect person 😀
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You just need a new challenge is all! I feel the same way about writing sometimes, we all have wobbles. Nothing wrong with a good wobble! See, that is why you are my top minister 🙂 By the way, I am organising filming the trailer to the Tony Blair thing, I know it’s not exactly local but it would be cool if you could be in it 🙂 will keep you posted!
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Oooooh!! That sounds very exciting!! I would love to be in it!!
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😀
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😀😀
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I wondered where you’d been. I don’t have a challenge to offer. I’m a walker, and not a planned one. I’m on the two-dog exercise plan.
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A two dog exercise plan sounds a lot like a challenge…albeit a fun one!
A post I am half way through writing was about our trip to north wales which involved walking all day every day more or less and I loved it!!
Maybe a walking challenge 😀
Hopefully I am firmly back in the blog world now 😀
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Good.
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You, my friend, are my sister-from-another-mister. I have been struggling with the same feelings for the better part of 2 years now. First it was the adjustment to going back to a real job, and all the demands a big career has put on my time, not allowing for me to just faff around in a gym for 3-4 hours at a time, on the daily. In retrospect, how could I not have been successful with my 2013 year of sweat when all I had to do, really, was exercise, with no other demands on me?
Then there was the attack of the killer gall bladder, and how that de-commissioned me for 2 full months.
And now it’s just a general frustration that I don’t feel as fit as I did 2-3 years ago, and feeling like, how on earth can I possible maintain that when I don’t have hours and hours to spend at the gym?
Like you, I know the answer is to not just focus 100% on the exercise part, but that I REALLY REALLY need to put some attention on the eating part. I don’t eat a lot (volume wise), but I know I make bad choices a lot of the time. I want to just kick myself, because I know that if I was doing even just the current level of daily exercise I am doing, but combined with healthy food choices 90% of the time, I would be WAY better off, would lose weight, and feel better all around. And yet I seem incapable of doing that. A big part for me is that I’m not the primary food-shopper or food-preparer in my house. Hubby does that, and – well – he doesn’t always put a ton of priority on healthy. In fact, he chooses tasty over healthy 99% of the time. (Not to say tasty can’t be healthy, but you know what I mean…)
Anyway – I can’t blame anyone but myself, BUT… I still am finding excuses everywhere.
If you come up with a brilliant idea to get back on track, please let me know!
xoxo
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You do understand completely! it is so frustrating because we know really that we can do it,we have done it before and should be able to do it again. We just need to stop making bad choices food wise and do some exercise every day!
Just!!
I ahte the work just!! because if it was just that easy we would be doing it!!
I have literally no idea how I am going to get back on track!! All I am doing at the moment is resetting every day and trying to make good food choices every time I am faced with a choice. I don’t , but I am trying to!
I think the first thing we need to do is stop being so blooming hard on ourselves… beating ourselves up seems to be getting us nowhere!! If you are like me it seems to go
“I should be able to do this, I need to be better, I should be able to fix myself…dammit I am a lump I am having a cookie!”
which is a tiny bit counter productive really!!
I think for me it will be a challenge that I sign up for and have to complete. The problem with that is that if I chose the wrong one it will make me feel worse 😦 I wish there were real fitness challenges that were not running, the majority of easily accessible fitness challenges are running based. (real challenges not just do ones that can be found on pinterest which are too easy to ignore!
I think real goals is the only way forward though, and ones with something riding on them!
I am starting with focusing on the positives for the first half of 2016 and wiring blog posts about them! hopefully this will help readjust my thinking!
I will keep you posted
xoxox
PS…I was literally in the middle of emailing you!!
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I’ll give some thought to a challenge that is non-running based and -even if it’s an online thing- perhaps if we BOTH committed to doing it, we could hold each other accountable versus just ignoring it. Let me give it some thought.
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ooh yes, if we were both committed to it, then it would be much harder to ignore!!
that is an excellent idea! I will give it some thought too 😀
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