It’s a whole new beginning for Project Warrior Goddess
In light of my break with Mythago and the end of project fit enough to dance in a mask, I decided it was time to have a look at the goals and whatnot associated with Project Warrior Goddess.
Reading back over my early blog entries and reading the goals and pledges I set out in PFEtDiaM and in PWG I realised I had strayed far from My original intentions. I had moved from a place of positivity and getting fitter to do an activity I loved, to a sad place where I was ashamed of my self and my body and felt like others were too. The last reboot lead me to a place of desperately wanting to be smaller so that I wouldn’t be an embarrassment to myself and my friends.
I will freely admit that a lot of this came from me, a lack of confidence had grown in me that had lead me to believe that I was fat and incapable of doing anything useful until I changed that. I am not going to say that (before the body shaming incident) Mythago made me feel that way, but something did. Looking back, I do think there were some parties within the side that (probably) unintentionally made me feel like I was too cumbersome to be dancing. Whatever the reason, I started to believe this about myself, I believed I had to be thin to be worth anything. Strangely, I only believed this for myself, I recognised the damaging negativity when it was expressed by others but didn’t believe it applied to me! I don’t know how it happened, but I had turned into a ball of self doubt and insecurity.
Strange as it may sound, and although I absolutely hate the way it ended, the end of the dancing and associated incidents have brought about a new outlook. When someone told me outright that I was too fat (they used heavy, but they meant fat) to do something, I was outraged because they were wrong! I knew absolutely and completely that they were wrong, but I realised that I have been behaving as if they were right! I realised that if I wanted other people to believe I was capable, I’d better start believing it myself!
I know I am strong, I know I am capable and I know I am not too fat to dance, or run, or jump or pull a truck 🙂
I do not need to change myself to meet other people’s criteria.
If I change I will do it for me and not because I am bad, but because I can always be better!
I rewrote the about page for PWG with some new goals and a new outlook. This is not a reboot, not a restart of the exercise, this is a continuation with a new outlook and a return to the awesome!
I am going to copy the goals here for everyone to see, but go and have a look at the about page too, it says similar things but better 😀
This doesn’t mean I am no longer striving to improve myself, I have just realised that the improvement I want is different. Different to what I previously believed, and different to that dictated by mainstream society!
So, new and improved Project Warrior Goddess has the following goals:
- Work towards believing that I am enough as I am, I am strong, I am capable, I am worthy!
- I am strong, but I want to be stronger
- I am fit, but I want to be fitter
- Superpowers are worth working for!
New and improved, but the mantra is the same…Never beaten, never broken, my inner warrior goddess has spoken!